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Shaq, Tyreke, and Gone Fishin’

2010 August 5

• dEDGE Post Scriptum •

The roster for the defending NBA Champion Los Angeles Lakers is finally set now that Shannon Brown inked a 2-yr. deal today for a shot at the 3Peat; the 2010-11 regular season schedule has been disseminated and distributed; and most of the prized, high-profile, free agents have signed on with their respective teams. The various Summer Pro Leagues have all concluded and the only news coming out of the NBA offices is in anticipation for the upcoming season. The long, dull days of Summer are upon us.

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Copyrights may apply. All rights reserved.

The Dodgers are sucking wind and the sails have blown off of the Angels ship. The World Cup was too damn early in the morning to even contemplate watching and I’m sure as hell not about to start following the Galaxy. Even the Sparks have fizzled and I’m still waiting on Tiger, as are a hundred million other jilted fans. I’ve watched every single Lakers playoff game over and over to the point that I’m beginning to think that Kobe might actually do something new if I watch just one more time. I’ve even cruised by Pau Gasol’s pad a few times in the hope of getting a glimpse of the Spaniard so that something remotely Lakers-related can ooze back into my routine. I admit it, I’m a Lakers junkie.

Alas, I must face the true consequences of my fate and get on with my dull life, devoid of even the smallest tidbits of Laker news. Plus, the Redondo Beach police are starting to think I’m another psycho, paparazzi stalker. What more is there I ask? Not much, when your routine has revolved around the purple and gold for your entire life. I’m not going to start writing about Kobe on vacation, or Ron-Ron’s clubbing or even LO’s social life. So, until some real Lakers news is ready to be sliced, diced and explored some more, I’m goin’ fishin’. But here are some NBA tidbits that I’ll leave you with, you know, for conversation sake to stimulate your NBA juices until the real deal is back in the fold.

Lebron. Lebron. Lebron. – Unfairly persecuted? Poor advice from an inexperienced crew? A puppet or the real McCoy? Depending on whom you talk, most will say that they either hate or love the Exalted One. I am unfazed by all of this extracurricular hoopla, my only concern remaining how we match up against the Miami Heat. There’s been heartbroken cities and fans before, yet did anyone really believe Lebron was actually going to stay in Cleveland other than Dan Gilbert? Sorry dude, you left the fence open and the horses ran off for the hills as fast as they could. I just feel sorry for incoming coach Byron Scott, dealt another shitty hand and soon to be the scapegoat in another desolate city.

Copyrights may apply. All rights reserved

Copyrights may apply. All rights reserved

Shaq. Shaq. Shaq. – Retire. Retire. Retire. The Big Failure is about to become the Big Albatross with the Boston Celtics. Gone are Shaq’s delusional dreams of a bigger payday, but what better way to stick it to Jerry Buss than to join the enemy? Eroded away are most of his offensive skills, rebounding, and blocked shots. The only things that remain consistent are his poor free throw shooting and his mouth. The fall from grace is never gentle on those who bark the loudest. All of this seems kind of appropriate now for someone who continually thought of himself first, then second and if there was room, the team. Don’t get me wrong, Shaq was THE MAN at one point in his career, but the trail of disappointment and ridicule is now becoming a long and distinguished one. How far down is he willing to reach to cling onto his fleeting glory? Once a great and proud Laker, reduced to an overstuffed pillow and a punchline. Now I truly understand Jerry West’s pain after signing him back in 1996.

2009 NBA Draft

Tyreke Evans. – Can you say, “idiot?” Evans single-handedly put the moniker of spoiled, stupid, above-the-law, reckless athlete back into the minds of sports fans everywhere. His dangerous and foolish act added another BP layer of damage to a league already reeling from its gun-toting desperado days. 130 mph!?! Within city limits!?! All I’ve got to say is spread your cheeks and insert your head into your ass cuz there’s no traffic school for this one. Oh, and you’ll be getting a little letter from David Stern in the not-to-distant-future in regards to your lengthy suspension.

Copyrights may apply. All rights reserved.

Copyrights may apply. All rights reserved.

T-Mac. Can’t find a team? No one willing to respond to any of your tweets? Maybe it was the years of burning bridges in every city you’ve ever played… We know you’re not finished and far from retiring, but their aren’t too many teams out there looking for a selfish, destructive, team-eroder since Latrell Sprewell was last heard from. There are plenty of prima donnas in the NBA, but most display some semblance of loyalty and commitment. Hell, most GM’s would be willing to bypass your eroded talents if it’ll put fans in the seats. But no team, and I repeat, no team, needs you more than you need them. Hear all of those former teammates and GM’s speaking out and sticking up for you? Right, exactly.

Copyrights may apply. All rights reserved.

Copyrights may apply. All rights reserved.

CP3. – Smart move little man. Before the thunderstorm of ill-will rained down on you, you made nice-nice with management. King James may have paved the way for future spoils with unlimited championship appeal, but you don’t have to walk down the same path in those same muddy shoes. Waiting for the sun to come out while playing good soldier makes everyone a winner, even though you’ll be mostly losing on the basketball court. By agreeing to a gentleman’s handshake, you’ve not only assured yourself of a win-win trade down the road, but also upgraded your marketability when you hit the bright lights of Manhattan. If only Lebron’s posse was as smart as you…


10 Responses
  1. STEVE-O permalink*
    September 5, 2010

    A glimmer of light has just peeked out over the horizon. Could it be…? Is it…? Yes, alas, Lakers season is nearing. 3-weeks and counting until the quest for 3Peat begins.

  2. Lakers4Life permalink
    August 6, 2010

    Shaq should’ve signed with the Clippers. That way we could’ve beaten his punk ass 4 times next season instead of just 2.

    • December 22, 2011

      Absolltuey first rate and copper-bottomed, gentlemen!

  3. Century_Blvd permalink
    August 6, 2010

    Shaq-in-the-box. What a clown.

  4. marcEmarc permalink
    August 5, 2010

    Great recap of the off season to date SteveO. I’m really glad Shannon’s back and although it’s not my money to spend, I’d like to keep Sasha Vujacic for 3 reasons: he is a good shooter at 11 am which sometimes translates into the evening on occasion, he gets under the skin of the opponent with his pesky D, and there’s a good chance of Maria Sharapova sighting in the crowd.

    • STEVE-O permalink*
      August 6, 2010

      I believe Sasha is on a short leash up until the trade deadline. His expiring contract is attractive to other clubs so he’ll really have to shine if the Lakers plan on keeping him. Unfortunately, I’ve got a feeling he’s only going to be around until February. He’s currently the 5th guard behind Kobe, Fish, Blake and Shannon. If he gets injured early again, start counting down his days with the team.

  5. Ocho_to_24 permalink
    August 5, 2010

    Do fries go along with a purchase of a T-Mac?

  6. Mike_R permalink
    August 5, 2010

    The ring’s the thing. Wise move Mr. Brown.

  7. Purple_Reign permalink
    August 5, 2010

    Shaq just pushed the average age of the Celtics up a few notches.

  8. Lake_Show permalink
    August 5, 2010

    Wow, the Lakers seriously upgraded their roster from last season. If anyone thinks Miami or Boston or Chicago are going anywhere, think again. The title runs through LA and will for a while, so get used to it.

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